It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is. -- "Life is Wonderful," Jason Mraz
I find it to be the case that love often finds you when you least expect it.
After the first encounter with love, there is no doubt you pursue love with a passion. You live love, you breathe love, love becomes your daily experience. You are punch drunk in love, and you live to feel love run through you and give you the shivers and butterflies. No mountain seems too high to climb over and no field seems too wide to run through when you're in love.
But somehow, even while in love, you're still left looking. Looking for what? You don't know. But whatever it is you're looking for, you realize it's yet to be found. What a frustrating place that is to be, to be in love but yet know that your heart is not completely satisfied. An odd guilt takes over perhaps, or maybe a sense of apathy as you grow numb to knowing that whatever you try while in love, you'll be left feeling like you still haven't found it, whatever "it" is.
I think for those of us who suffer from this don't actually need to be reminded that love is more than an emotion and that emotions come and go, because the frustration of feeling like you don't have what you're looking for even while having love is something that lives on even when you know in your mind all the deeper facts and truths about love--that love heals all things, that love sacrifices, that love bridges gaps, that love demands effort and time, and that love cannot be explained.
Love cannot be explained. The answer lies there. When you're truly in love, I believe you become aware of a specific paradox. Love cannot be explained, therefore, love cannot ever be grasped completely. Yet, a taste of love leaves you not just wanting more, but wanting all of love. This wanting, the feeling of still not having found what you're looking for, is essentially hunger. On one level, hunger is painful and can leave you weak, leave you feeling like doing nothing. But on another level, hunger gives birth to drive and motivation, focusing your efforts to get exactly what it is you need and desire. To be honest with you, lately I have been hungry for love in the former sense, leaving me wallowing in weakness and mediocrity. It's because I've been viewing love from only one side of the paradox--I've been left frustrated by wanting to have all that love encompasses while knowing that love cannot be grasped completely. However, the other side of the paradox says this: even with all that you know about love and with all that you've done for love's sake, love is still that much beyond you. The power of love is that much bigger than you. When you are truly before something bigger than you, you go beyond feeling frustrated and incapable to simply being in awe. When in awe of love, because you stop everything and just watch, you are able to maintain a perspective where you can simply appreciate what love is and what love does. You stop beating at love in an effort to control love so your selfish needs can be met, and you begin to step back and see how love moves through others and through you.
And funny enough, that's when love finds you and you find just a little bit more of what you were looking for. The pursuit then begins again anew, fueled not by a hunger that frustrates and paralyzes, but by a hunger that presses on towards its object of desire, and with love feeling even more real than the first time.
Note: Please reread using 1 John 4:16 as a key (God is love).
5/12/08 Update: Thanks to a friend, more DVDs have been added to this sale. The list has been updated.
Update: Video footage from The Red Light Movement walk.
So I've decided to sell all of my DVDs. The reasoning is twofold:
One, I'm going to the "House of Love" orphanage in Qingdao, China (the same orphanage I visited last summer) this upcoming July and I need to raise money to fund my trip. I would also like to raise enough money to help contribute towards the greater work of International Care Community (ICC), the organization that built the orphanage and that is looking to undertake more orphanage building projects in both China and Mexico. Therefore, all the money made from selling my DVDs will go directly towards an opportunity to help love and care for orphaned children. Two, I'm taking one more tangible step towards becoming less of a pawn of consumerism. For someone who claims to be in the "poor college student" demographic, I have quite the DVD collection, even after getting rid of some of them. It definitely sticks out as something extraneous among my possessions.
It's not so much watching DVDs that I'm giving up as it is the need to own them. That means for the time being (and who knows for how long?) I'm going to probably either subscribe to the cheapest Netflix plan or simply rely on borrowing from others if I want to watch a movie at home. My only regret is in regards to those who have either bought DVDs as gifts for me or were looking to buy them for me in the future. I'm sorry, but I'm going to hold fast to my "no-DVD-in-my-house-unless-I-have-to-return-it-to-someone" policy.
Now for the information you most care about. To keep things simple, I've decided to set my prices as $7 for single movies and $10 for anything else (mainly TV series). Keep in mind that these are minimum suggested donations and you are free to give more. I say that especially because you may look at some of the DVDs and think, "Paul, you should really be selling that for more than 7 or 10 bucks." Well, if you are so convinced, then I believe you'll let your money do the talking. Otherwise, just enjoy the steal. By the way, if you want to write a check, it should be written to ICC with my name on the memo.
I'll be reserving DVDs for people on a first-come-first-serve basis. So please contact me right away with the exact titles of what you want, whether it be by commenting on this entry, emailing me, facebooking me, etc (in case you didn't know, you don't have to be a xanga user to comment on a xanga entry. just make sure to click the "anonymous" button above the commenting box once you reach the comments page for an entry). I'll do my best to make sure I cross out a DVD as soon as it's not available anymore, but if there are any conflicts among people wanting the same DVDs, I'm going to go according to the earlier timestamp of the comments/emails/message etc. I'll work it out on a person-by-person basis in terms of how the DVDs and the money will be exchanged.
If you're on the team with me going to China, I ask that you not buy a DVD because of the obvious fact that we are trying to raise money for the same purpose. However, if it's the case that you just really want a DVD that I have, the best I could tell you is that if no one buys it by the time we go to China, you can buy it from me then. I promise I'll still use the money towards some other good cause. Also, if you are someone who happens to be going on your own mission trip (or similar type of trip) this summer, I wouldn't want to do anything to detract any money that could've gone towards your trip for the sake of mine. However, I also won't stop you if you genuinely feel compelled to give towards my cause.
So please go ahead and buy, if not for yourself, then for someone else as a gift. I specifically am looking to sell to friends/acquaintances first before I decide to put these up for sale to the general public. Hopefully, I won't even have to go to the public, though.
Last note: I'm not selling Fields of Mudan, Invisible Children and Lilya-4-Ever because I didn't get those for my own sake to begin with.
$7 Selection: 8 Mile A River Runs Through It Amelie As Good As It Gets Beauty and the Beast Black Hawk Down Breakfast at Tiffany's Charade The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe Cinderella Man The Cure: Festival 2005 The Cure: Trilogy Depeche Mode: One Night in Paris Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (yes, it's a real copy) (The Best of) Friends Vol. 1 and 2 (The Best of) Friends Vol. 3 and 4 Funny Face Good Will Hunting (I think the disc is damaged for a particular scene, so I'm willing to just throw this in for free if you want it and are buying something else) The Incredibles It's a Wonderful Life Jamie Cullum: Live at Blenheim Palace Jerry Maguire Kill Bill Vol. 1 Kill Bill Vol. 2 L.A. Confidential The Lion King Little Miss Sunshine (which I'd like back now, Alex. Unless you want to buy it ) Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Memento Million Dollar Baby Million Dollar Baby Monsters, Inc. Mulan My Fair Lady NBA Street Series: Dunks! The Office: Season 1 (because it's only six episodes) The Prestige The Princess Bride Pulp Fiction Raging Bull Reservoir Dogs Roman Holiday Sabrina The Salton Sea Saving Private Ryan School of Rock Seven Spider-Man Thank You for Smoking Through the Fire (Sebastian Telfair documentary) Trainspotting Transformers True Romance (Quentin Tarantino's first script) The Umbrellas of Cherbourg Untamed Heart (I like Marisa Tomei, okay... ) The Untouchables Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust The Wedding Singer When a Man Loves a Woman
$10 Selection: Animaniacs Vol. 1 Animaniacs Vol. 1 Animaniacs Vol. 2 Back to the Future Trilogy Batman the Animated Series Vol. 1 Friends Season 1 Friends Season 2 Friends Season 3 Friends Season 4 Friends Season 5 Friends Season 6 Friends Season 7 Friends Season 8 Friends Season 9 Friends Season 10 The Godfather Trilogy Hellsing (all 13 episodes) NBA Dynasty Series: Chicago Bulls, the 1990s The Office Season 2 Tonight Not Again: Jason Mraz Live at the Eagles Ballroom (includes both a CD and DVD of the concert) Ultimate Jordan 20th Anniversary Collector's Edition (includes full-length footage of 5 games) a DVD set of Korean pop music videos from 1998 - 2003. (Click here for more info) metal wire tower DVD rack (holds about 40+ DVDs. almost exactly like this one)
Of the many things I thought I might become after college, I definitely didn't think that would be one of them, especially with what used to be my understanding of activists. There are certain images that dominate the mind as soon as you utter the term. People see activists marching against police in the streets, yelling at government leaders and raising their fists in indignation and then they think to themselves, "How does any normal person get to be like that?"
The fact is, most activists are pretty normal when you meet them. Even as I myself now wear the banner of activism, I find that not that much has changed about me since I've entered college. Sure, I've probably done some of that growing and maturing that supposedly happens to everyone as they transition through young adulthood, but in a lot of ways, I'm basically the same guy--my interests, my hobbies, my habits, my closest friends, my thought processes, my core personality, they're all pretty much the same. So what happened along the way? What has made me willing to step out from the mold when it comes to issues that don't directly interfere with my life?
Honestly, I don't know. As much I would like to, it's hard for me to give you a straight answer. I used to think that it took direct contact in order for someone to care enough to really actively advocate or protest something. For example, the one who loses a friend or relative to heart disease becomes a heart surgeon. The widow who loses her husband to Iraq turns anti-war. The boy who is raped goes on to counsel those who are sexually abused. But this thinking leaves so many other activists unaccounted for. And non-activists, too. There are plenty who have lost a loved one to heart disease, who have seen their friend/relative/spouse/child die in war and who have been sexually abused but still choose to obstain from taking a strong stand in their respective issues. To take it further, in this day and age, it's no secret to most of the 6 billion members of humanity that our world can be a screwed up place to call home. Why, even with this supposedly common knowledge, does it only seem that a few "weirdos" and "brave ones" are the ones who really do anything to bring change?
Really, I don't know. All I can tell you is that when it happens, when you experience that conversion of realizing that you've been living passively and that you ought to live actively, it's like driving through a road in broad daylight which you used to only drive through in darkness. The road itself is still the exact same road you've been driving through your whole life, but everything looks exposed. You see things that seem to have suddenly appeared out of nowhere even though you cognitively understand them as having been there all along. The shapes and contours of the landscape etch themselves into your mind so that when you try again to cruise under the cover of shadows, you can't help but remember what's really lying there before you. And when those things that have been etched into your mind are the images of women raped in brothels, of children murdering villages, of familes dying because of no clean water, it's hard not to let what's been ingrained in your mind seep into your heart, and then from your heart, into your hands and feet. Like I said, I can't fully explain why such an experience happens to one person and not to the other that's right beside, but once it does happen, there's no turning back to how you were before.
Admittedly, I'll say some of us activists get it wrong. For some, it becomes all about the spectacle and pointing the finger, and those shouldn't be the end goals. However, I'll also say that sometimes, severe blindness to an issue requires severe intervention in order to open eyes. Am I saying that making a scene, picketing, rioting, or much more violent and outlandish acts are always called for? Definitely not. Are they sometimes necessary? That is something I'm still currently wrestling with within my own heart, but history offers many pieces of evidence towards an affirmative.
But for the majority of us who will never have to think about becoming guerilla warriors or standing as a mob before a SWAT team, our role as an activist is a little more simple but no less important. You can call it a blessing or a curse, but the eyes of an activist see the
world at its ugliest, and the only logical response is to try and
restore its beauty. You don't have to change who you already are to do so. You just focus whatever talents and resources you've been given towards helping this world be what it ought to be while trying to advocate others to do the same. For myself, I have declared from the beginning that my voice is what I can best offer--my voice in the sense of speaking truth about this world into the ears of anyone willing to give me their ear, in the sense of using those rare moments where I can confidently weave my words into something that will communicate clearly the sobering realities of what goes on all around the world, but will also speak of the glimmers of hope that are not only in the activists of today, but in the ones that have preceded us and in the ones that have preceded them and so on. Little did I know that as I took part in one of many unsung stories of people believing they can make a difference, my voice would be offered in a way I never imagined.
So I say once again, I am an activist, an ordinary person with nothing more than a conviction that what I choose to do with my life matters. And believe me--what you choose to do with yours matters, too.
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything,
but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere
with what I can do."
-- Edward Everett Hale
Excuse the last entry. I don't know what got into me.
But just to clarify a few things...
1. I do sniff my armpits sometimes when putting on a shirt to make sure I have deodorant on. 2. I may not be king of NRB, but I am the best sidekick--if you put in a song, I'll probably know it. 3. Don't ever recall crayons in my nostrils, but I've eaten them before. 4. Elijah's right. I am Shadowfax. 5. Tell me! Tell me! T-t-t-t-t-tell me! 6. A separate animal universe in the sense of a giant meat section for me to browse through. 7. I have always finished my food. Except the day after my 21st... 8. Burping is great and I'm hardly ashamed of it. But I really do know a lot of girls who can out-burp me. Hot stuff.
As long as we're doing lists, I'll go ahead and follow Ricky's example and do my own top 10 song list.
In no particular order and always subject to change.
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